The story of how I came to be ‘discoknee’
In the beginning…
According to UKClimbing.com, Disco Leg is “Uncontrollable shaking of one or both legs on a climb, curable by pushing the heel of the leg downwards while the toe stays on the rock. Usually indicates imminent retreat, either voluntary or gravity-assisted”.
Disco Knee is somewhat different. But here’s my best attempt at a definition;
Disco Knee is the uncontrollable dislocation of one (left) kneecap on a climb, curable by rest and a few months in physiotherapy. Definitely indicates imminent retreat - gravity-assisted.
This blog is basically a sort of account of overcoming injury and getting back into sport, and also a way for me to show how extraordinarily witty I am (ish). Also, if you’re a sadist, you might carry on reading this blog because you find injury amusing. Bastard.
Welcome everyone, and enjoy :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Physiotherapy!
Hello everyone, and welcome back to my ever so exciting knee trauma :)
I’ve got good news and bad news..
Good news - I’m going to see a specialist!
Bad news - I’m going to have knee surgery :(
Basically, the theory is that my ligament that connects the patella (kneecap, to you and me.. Well, to you.. I know what a patella is, thicko) has become soooo stretched after 4 knee dislocations that there’s barely anything there any more! Wonderful :)
http://www.canmag.com/images/front/moviesetc/stretch.jpg
Basically, imagine that stretch armstrong is my knee. My patella (kneecap, Calum) is the man in the middle, and the ligaments are his ever growing limbs :) If you hit stretch armstrong now, he’d wobble like mad, or break.. Thus, if anyone touches my kneecap, I’ll get very mad, and break
Also, the physio said I have the weakest knee he has ever seen! Which was bad news, but with a sweet sting in it’s tail.. I mean, at least I don’t own the SECOND weakest, I won with the ACTUAL weakest, and in a weird sort of way, that makes me smile :) It’s like a man with the world’s smallest penis.. It might not be a good thing, but there’s probably some fetishist out there that would like to have a go on it. The SECOND smallest penis is just a tiny penis - not a good thing. Not that I hope there’s a knee fetishist out there somewhere (although undoubtedly in the age of the internet, there’s knee porn.. I just googled it, there is), but it’s a weird sense of achievment that from being so broken, in less than a month’s time I should hopefully be fixed :)
Speaking of google, I just googled dislocated patella, and in the way that any man instinctively reaches for his penis to form a protective layer when I say “KICK IN THE BALLS”, those pictures make me feel physically sick.. Josh’s Number 1 Tip of the Day - NEVER EVER google symptoms, or pictures of upcoming surgery.. You’ll end up convincing yourself you have AIDS, or you’ll freak out about the surgery so much that living life as the man with the weakest knee in the world sounds appealing. Brilliant. Which, by the way, I do.. Autograph, anyone? ;)
I’ll let you know how it goes :) But for nowwww I’ll sit in bed, drinking a cup of tea and thinking that actually life could be a lot worse.
Chuck Palahniuk once said said, “People don’t want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messed cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown.” and in a sense this is true - if we lived in a perfect world, then life would be so boring! And I hope everyone agrees :) You should, I’m a philosophy student, I do this every day, biatch. Doing a useful degree is over-rated.
If everything in life went smoothly, we’d have nothing to work towards, and no goals :) So a minor set back is okay every now and then. Of course, this seems to be a major set back physically, but screw it, I’ll get over this too, and then maybe instead of having the weakest knee (win) in the world, I’ll have the strongest (win squared) :)
Lots of love,
Josh :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Surgery *Insert sad face here*
I just had a chat with my future surgeon, Dr Gudjens :) And yes, by “future surgeon”, I do mean that my knee surgery is now definitely going to happen as soon as the next uni term has finished.. EEK!
I really don’t know how to feel about it.. Mainly because I still don’t know exactly what type of surgery I’m going to be getting ;) For definite, I’m going to be having some ligament reconstruction to tighten up the ligaments I’ve damaged, but also potentially I’m going to need some bone and another tendon moving too..
Forgive me, doctors and medical people, if I’ve got this wrong.. But here’s my best attempt at explaining what’s wrong ;)
The medial collateral ligament thingymabob is really stretched from the dislocations, so that needs to be tightened again to stop the thigh and shin bones moving apart and stuff :) But POTENTIALLY ALSO
The patellar tendon on my knee SHOULD go vertically downwards to the shin. Basically, look down at your knee when it’s straight, and you should see a little raised bit moving fron the kneecap to the shin. That’s the patellar tendon :) Mine is about 20 degrees-ish off straight, and that means that each time I move my knee, and that tendon pulls my kneecap down, it’s pulling it at an angle :) Even more basically - a dislocation waiting to happen ;)
So yeah, the first diagram is a definite, the second is a possibility depending on how my MRI looks, but the difference in recovery time between having it done or not is around 8 months plus a load more physio, which is a BIIIIIG difference.
In short, I’m scared. But hey, a lot of amazing people are going to be there for my while I go through it :) And while it means that I won’t be cranking out any of my V7 projects this summer.. Next summer, I should be stronger than ever, and hopefully this will never be a problem again :) As long as I’m climbing V1 by the end of the year, I’m happy :)
If I’m climbing V1 in TWO years, tell me to get training harder ;)
I love you all :)
Josh
x
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Improvements!
Okay, anyone who’s generally interested in my blog interested (and those who aren’t as well) will know that I’ve been doing a LOT of fingerboard training recently because I can’t go climbing because my knee is.. What’s the technical term?.. Fucked.
Soo, it’s 2 weeks on from the first time I recorded my record deadhang times, and what can I say? There’s been a MASSIVE improvement. When I started off recording times and stuff, I thought I’d do it every week, but if doing it every 2 makes me feel this good about myself, it’ll probably be a fortnightly occurence ;)
What are the times, I hear you ask? Well, in ascending order of improvement we haveee.. *drum roll please*..
4 Finger Sloper Deadhang - Improvement from 53sec to 58sec - 5 sec improvement.
4 Finger Open Deadhang - Improvement from 42sec to 50sec - 8 sec improvement!
Front 2 Deadhang - Improvement from 33sec to 41sec - Also 8 sec improvement!
3 Finger Open Deadhang - Improvement from 45sec to 59sec - A MASSIVE 14 sec improvement!
But finally.. Are you ready for this? Because I couldn’t quite believe it myself..
Middle 2 Deadhang - Improvement from 20sec to 42sec - That’s a pretty freakin’ unbelievable 22 second improvement, and more than DOUBLE what I could hold before!
Wowza.
So, in conclusion, Beastmaker training really does pay off. Expect a post later tonight that will be somewhat more philosophical (what I’m totally ace at), about sometimes getting motivation issues to train for climbing when it could be MONTHS before I’m actually on the wall again.. I think we’re all looking forward to lecture 2 on Josh’s training plan, but for now, class dismissed :)
And if you’ve read this far, congratulations. 5 points to Gryffindor :)
x
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New Surgery News!
Hello, loyal followers
It’s been quite a while since I posted anything about surgery, mainly because I’ve had no news as of late :) But, now I do! And news is gooood! :)
Basically, the MRI is back, and the angle of my Patellar Tendon isn’t such that I need to have it moved at all, the surgery I need now is just tightening of the ligaments to try and prevent another dislocation
The recovery time?
ONE MONTH! Which is absolutely incredible compared to what I thougt it’d be :) The surgery date is still the same, the 10th of July :) But I feel that I can rest a lot easier now that I know the surgery is no where near as dangerous, and the potential side effects have been massively reduced
Basically, right now, if any of you were here in lovely old Warwick, I’d buy you a drink to celebrate ;)
Lots of love!
Josh
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My Surgery!
Okay, so to start off, I thought I’d just let everyone know that my surgery went well, there were no complications, and I’m now relaxing in a hospital bed :) Also, I had toad in the hole for dinner ;) Bonus ;)
The most incredible part though was that, while I was expecting a general anesthetic, I actually got a spinal as well as some more local for the knee, so I got to watch the whole thing!
So, you have been warned ;) If you want to hear about the operation, click ‘Read More’, but if you’re a wimp, just be happy that I’m okay and send your love my way :)
Hello, hardcore readers!
I know what you’re here for.. Juicy details of surgery, aren’t you? I know your game ;) Well, you’ve come to the right place :)
Basically, the surgery involved firstly putting a camera inside my knee joint, and the surgeon showed me that my kneecap is resting on the side of the groove of the knee, not actually in the groove itself, and he dislocated it to show me what it looked like from the inside, which was incredibly interesting!
From there, they made a small cut to access my thigh, before taking out a tendon, and using this as the replacement ligament for my knee. They drilled into my kneecap, and threaded it through, before drilling all the way through (yes ALL THE WAY THROUGH) my thigh bone. This was probably the most disgusting bit of the whole hour, as I watched the drill push its way out of my skin (I told you this bit was only for hardcore readers), and when this was done, the tendon was threaded through and everything firmly anchored down
The result - one stable kneecap :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My bandages came off today..
Finally, I can have a shower ;)
I’ll upload some photos of my knee tonight for you guys to look at, but for now I kneed (get it?!) a cup of tea
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My Bandages are Off!
So, it’s 2 days on from my surgery, and I’m on the Road to Recovery. For those who’ve never been on the Road to Recovery, it’s a little like the Yellow Brick Road in the sense that they’re both curvy and winding, both lead to a great place, and both (thanks to the codeine) are bright and colourful, surrounded by witches and munchkins.
Since I doubt that everyone wants to see photos of my knee on their dash, I’m putting them under a ‘read more’. So go ahead, read more. You know you want to
Bandages on…
Bandages half off…
And there we go!
One beautiful (if slightly un-beautiful (is that a word?)) knee :) I’ll keep you all updated throughout the recovery process!
Thanks for your support everyone, you’re all ace :)
Josh x
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Knee (Without the stitches, bitches (See, rhyming can be cool))
So, a couple of days ago I had my stitches out! My next physio appointment is Monday, and I can now do single leg raises (SLRs) fully without any help! Good times!
So I thought I’d update you all with lovely pictures of my beautiful knee :) Also, the hair on my knee is growing back now and it feels a bit like a beard - I liked having a shaved leg; it felt smooth and magical, like Voldemort’s head
(Pictured above - My knee)
So, I’ll put these under a ‘read more’ tag again, incase anyone doesn’t want to spoil their dinner, but here you go! :)
These were the stitches in my knee. I’m not sure if they’re technically called stitches, since they’re made of metal? But hey, I don’t know what else they’d be called!
Staples, actually.. I think it’s staples..
Now this is my knee without the staples in, as you can see, my battlewounds seem to be healing nicely :)
I’ll keep you updated with how my physio is coming along, but for now I’m pretty optimistic!
Love you all,
Josh
x
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Knee (Without the stitches, bitches (See, rhyming
My Surgery! (Warning - Graphic photos from inside my knee)
So, as I’m sure the majority of you will know, two weeks and one day ago I underwent surgery to replace the ligament on the inside of my kneecap, to hopefully prevent future dislocation! :)
I met with the surgeon today, who’s happy that I’m healing well, happy that the surgery has worked, and happy that in a week or two I should be able to drive, and I should be able to return to climbing within a few months! Good times :)
But, I hear you ask, what went on during the surgery? And what, Joshua, does the inside of a knee look like?
Well, everyone, it looks a bit like this :) Just incase, by some minor miracle, you didn’t read the title of this blog post; one of these pictures is particularly graphic, so if you’re easily upset (is upset the right word? I was going to say ‘offended’, but that isn’t it..) by surgery, it’s best not to look :)
If you’re curious about what knee surgery looks like.. Well, see that little blue writing that says ‘Read More’? Click that. I double dare you. (The first two photos aren’t that bad, I promise)
This first photo shows the damage to my knee after the dislocations that I’ve had - it’s not uncommon, after a dislocation, for some of the bone to chip away entirely, and to be left floating in the knee joint, where it can cause some damage, so I got away with pretty minor injuries here :) Nothing for the surgeon to worry about
This is what a dislocation looks like! Basically, on the right hand side of the image, at the top of the bone you can see a tiiiiiiny little dip, and this is where the kneecap was meant to sit. Mine didn’t. A full dislocation is what’s pictured above - where the kneecap comes entirely out of this little groove, and sits to the side. While, day to day, mine wasn’t quite like this (he dislocated it purposefully to show me what was going on), it was never quite fully sat in the grove either. Technically, I was climbing V7 with a dislocated knee. Beat that, Sharma.
This is by far the most graphic image! I’m pretty sure you can figure out on your own what this is of. The thing that’s dangling out of my knee like something out of an Alien film is a tendon from my thigh, and was used as a replacement ligament to attach my kneecap properly to the rest of my leg, and put it back in it’s groove (Bloody hell, ‘back in it’s groove’.. It’s not Austin Powers)
Finally, THE FINISHED PRODUCT!
As you can see, as opposed to before, the kneecap is now sitting perfectly in the groove to the left of the image. Result :)
And if you’ve managed to read this entire post, and not throw up a little bit, congratulations - you’re almost as sick as me, the guy who asked to watch it all live!
Love you all, and take care of those joints!
Josh :)
x
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Physiotherapy!
Today, I had my second round of physiotherapy, and my leg brace is now off! According to my mum, I looked horrified when he told me I wouldn’t be getting my leg brace back.. I was just getting used to walking around normally on it, and getting special treatment, and now it’s gone! ;)
The good news? After a few minutes of walking a bit like Bambi at the start of the film, I’m now walking like Bambi at the end of the film. (Not on all fours; I mean I’m walking normally)
Woo!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Driving!
So, I’ve just got back from the physiotherapist after spending the session today in the gym! :)
My good knee can press at around 150 pounds of pressure, and my bad knee can push at 90 pounds - so 70 pounds is my training weight. After 3 sets of 6 reps, my knee was feeling pretty tired ;)
BUT
I have good news!
I can now drive again! :) Andddd I can swim! And I can go on the cross-trainer! Andddddd I can start upper body training again! Bring out the fingerboard ;) When I start climbing again, I want to be climbing V11 footless ;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Crossing trainers
I know it’s not much, but I was doing it at 6/10 on the machine settings, and never went below 9km/hour!
Tomorrow, the same again, but I’m going to try for 20 minutes :)
I’m sweating like a pregnant nun.
so attractive
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My Second-to-Last (penultimate, for you clever kids) physio ever?!
Today was a tough day at physiotherapy!
- Warm up - 5 minutes on the exercise bike
- Leg press machine - my left leg working up at 5 pound intervals from 50 pounds to 115 pounds, and my right leg managed 130 pounds. PROGRESS!
- Full lunges
- Heel raises (ouch)
- Two sets of strange exercises for the muscles around my thighs on the exercise ball, one set of exercises involves putting my heels on the ball and rolling it underneath my back with my bum in the air, and the other involved doing weird press-upy things with my knees on the ball
- I tried running on the treadmill, but my knee isn’t QUITE there yet. I can do a fast jog though!
- Stretches to warm down
All in all, a pretty productive day! My next appointment is in a month, and after that he thinks I’ll be totally fit to climb again!
RESULT!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Physiotherapy no more!
GUYS
GUYS
GUESS WHAT?!
I GOT DISCHARGED FROM THE PHYSIOTHERAPIST!
THIS MEANS I CAN CLIMB AGAIN WHENEVER I LIKE! Tell all your friends (or don’t, that would be strange) that discoknee’s knee need disco no more! Infact, it’s even stronger than my right knee, which might potentially fuck up in the future, but we can ignore that for now ;) Tonight is a night for good news! Tomorrow, I get a prize for the lifesaving club I helped run too! It’s as if sport is welcoming me back into it’s warm and friendly grasp :)
6 months later, and climbing is back on the cards :)
